What is AI? ------------------------ Carpets unrolled on the ground, in rows chairs that were sparsely filled with those who waited, murmured, in that makeshift hall sunlight danced in through gaps in the wall wires strewn all through, microphones tested with tap-tapping sounds, on the stage there rested a podium, reconstructed, an emblazoned name a symbol of science, of tartan fame A stately institution, renown, revered symbol of science, that for fifty years blazed trails in the world of computing machines changed tenets in nations, academic scenes built thinking machines, those that walked played games, built schemas, reasoned and talked today their creators, repurposed, returned gathered to answer a question that burned that question bewildered, perplexed the world written in two words, on a flag unfurled "Artificial Intelligence," embroidered in green words also projected on a makeshift screen A man in a blue suit mounted the stage Pointed to the screen, said "Let us engage" "In finding the meaning, in every sense" "Of these two fuzzy words," "Artificial Intelligence" "This term, unclear, elusive, inept", "On this day let's find, for this popular percept," "A clear definition, formula, a theme," "By logic or some other scientific scheme" "Let us collectively question and find" "A fitting answer, completely define" "Artificial Intelligence, explore and screen" "Examine and think", "what does it mean?" All of them pondered. A silence fell. Two words on a screen had cast a spell Those minds, most genuine, some leading impostors, From all walks of science, academic rosters As the morning stirred, with thoughtful face In that dusty tent, they stared in space Sought for that term, a strong definition Axiom or theorem, solution, explanation Murmured and chatted and discussed, and then "Is there now someone who'd like to begin?" Said the man on the stage, patiently, and "If you have a suggestion," "please raise your hand" "Its the fourth revolution, this is its start!" Opinions were offered, discussed, torn apart. "Too fuzzy!" "Iterative!" "Too vague" "Won't fly" "We need something better than that!" "Retry!" "Intelligence, generated artificially", "I say" "Through methods, algorithms that we have today" "What rot!" "Definition? That's nowhere near one! "Nor even Information!" added someone. Mayhem ensued. From the last row but one Someone yelled out "That's (just) reworded pun!" "Machines that learn, decide, or more" Suggestion that instantly caused a furore "Bah! That's weak!" "Its easy to take" "A simple example and cause this to break" "Take the Dahl machine, that grammatizator" "When fed with the some rules, a sentence creator" "When caused to start, writes prose that is stellar" "An essay or maybe, a novel, bestseller" "No learning, and yet," sounding staid but churlish "Intelligence ensues" He said with a relish Dr. Heller was known to be quite prepostrous offensive, deriding, for the most part, disastrous To any occasion, not excluding this one. "Won't do," "That's broken", from up front said someone "I agree!" said another, "That won't do, here's why!" "All this says is that learning isn't AI" Some went on offensive, Dr. Heller, defensive Puckered up, sullen, angry, distraught "Oh don't pick on him," said a kind soul, pensive "Though weak," "his statement does lead to a thought" ******** "Intelligence generated by some machine, with at least one rule!" "Bah!" said Heller, his vengeance, that one word in loud ridicule "That's a narrow definition", he said, "I can easily tear it apart" "With a trivial example," proceeded, sharpened his scientific dart "An aimless monkey (like you Sir), just a random key puncher," "On a typing machine, who types all the way to an infinite number" "If he carries on, typing for ever", He darted, "with no arbitration" "Would surely create a Shakespeare, by chance, in that situation" "You need no reason nor rhyme, just a process that's random" "Artificial, infinite, and boom! AI emerges in tandem!" And many heads nodded. Colluded. "Yes, yes!" "Oh yes!" A murmur arose. "He could, nay would, spin a Hamlet, or some other beautiful prose." "Is that intellignce or not?", he challenged, "You tell me, pray!" "No rules, no learning, randomly goes on!" "That's AI, I say!" "That's no good either!", yelled someone afar, "That won't sustain!" "Shut up, Man!" "Quiet. He's right (by chance) So let's think again!" A grumble, conversations, when finally, really, none could deny One heard these loud, triumphant, really, historic words fly "What seems intelligent, artificially, of course, that is AI!" "Infinite chance." "Optionally aided by every schema under the sky" ******** "Defaults to chance." Will never break!" "The perfect definition! Make no mistake!" "Infallible, provable, this theorem, our goal" "Mathematically charming, beautiful, whole!" The tempo had changed, all tension eased They laughed and jested, jabbed and teased A triumph, a victory, created, released Twenty, then fifty, they all looked pleased Twenty, then fifty, examined and pooled "Machines that learn, or run on rules, Machines we build, just augment AI, Can be summed up as infinity to Phi. "Intelligent outcome, of mere happenchance," "Is AI, defined by our new provenance" "Augmented, undoubtedly by all that we know" "Do we have a consensus?" Indeed that was so. Consensus it was, after further debate Backward and forward, when it got pretty late The gathering broke up, joined up for lunch Their day's work done, a contented bunch With this definition, we rest our case Our final conclusion will set the pace Of further advances, "Fundamental, Juris!" "Let's lead them to AI, Whatever it is!" On that afternoon, some two hours later Some of them met the Great Adminsitrator In his office on campus, to tell him in person The verdict on AI, from the morning convention Fantastic! That's Awesome! Amazing! Great! As the next step I think we must change the state Of AI, we need, in our own institution An AI presence, a department solution AI faculty and staff, proforma, an AI degreee, and AI diploma And so it was settled, action plan churned, by quarter to three, the meeting adjourned. And as they dispersed, this trouble-creator attempted to mimic the Great Administrator Copied his gestures, his tone, his voice Expressions on his face (not very nice!) "We need AI T-shirts, slippers, and gear" "All Important, (heh!) A.I. underwear" "Normalized A.I. stamped on our rear" "Posterior Probability of your AI career!" "Shut up, you Moron," "Its a jolly good plan" "It'll make a true difference (even to you) Man! "Oh yeah?", he said, "I'm truly amazed!" He grinned, idiotic, absolutely unfazed A website was formed, and through it, released This scientific doctrine, finally unleashed "Artificial Intelligence", with media around Defined, presented, promoted, pinned down. Touted and praised, proclaimed and stamped funding for AI, internally ramped "AI faculty" were those that were smart Did things intelligent, sufficed for the part By the new definition of AI they fit Their glamorous new roles, in all, that was it. "AI". Controlled. Harnessed by decree. "Artificial Intelligence". Definition is key. ------------------------- 30 Nov 2017