Cartucho's family --------------------- Cartucho got himself a miserable wife Thought she would brighten up his miserable life She wouldn't work all, just wanted to enjoy Thought herslef no less then Helen of Troy A notch above those other miserable ones around Who actually did something other than just sit around Cartucho earned millions, and she spent his money well Bought everything and anything that anyone would sell Would loll around all day pretending to ruminate On matters of the world, country, county and state She was better, more exalted than the president's wife Who actually tried to do something with her miserable life Now all of this would be perfectly fine had she remained A gentler, nicer person, and a little less harebrained If you talked to her she'd probably give you a lot of ball That is, if she condescended to talk to you at all Better than all women, intellectual, above par Cartucho had to let her be, a genius and a star She thought she was above all other women countrywide All living women, period, and even those that had died Except of course a few maybe the celebrity types Or the royals who were (just) born into the celebrity lights Cartucho on the other hand got fed up of his life He let her be and spent his time with other people's wives Then one day it just got into her miserable harebrain That she was better then she thought, all over again Her neighbor had one measly kid, husband earned more And she was well respected as a doctor ("must be a whore!") To show her femininity, she decided to have kids Voiced her choices loudly, thought she'd soon start getting bids It didn't happen, though, Cartucho, her husband by convention Poor sod, had to perform, then pay her even more attention She went ahead and had a kid, then one, then one, then one And each time she'd have one she'd go "I'm done, I'm done, I'm done" As far as I know I left them in that miserable state One-upping the lady next door who continued to work till late **** One day I was passing through the town where I'd last seen Cartucho and his trophy wife, the genius and Queen Bean He had gotten rich and famous, was everywhere in the news Women hanging by his sleeves, his necktie and his shoes I met him in a bar, asked about wife and kids and all And here's what transpired friends, hang on, don't keel and fall "Leona's fine, he said, you know she's made it in the world" "She's all over the news and we have amazing boys and girls" "I'm blessed, we love ourselves, unlike our neighbor who" "Only has one miserable kid (and his wife's miserable too)" Interested, then, I asked him to tell me a little more "Start with the kids" I said "because I haven't met them before!" "Ok", he said, eyeing the pretty blonde at the bar Who clearly knew (very) well our happy Cartucho, the rock star **** "There's Ruth," he said, "Duluth" I exclaimed, "lovely, two girls?" "Then there's Brad and Chad," he counted, his fingers in a twirl "And then Michelle", he said, I said "five, you're blessed" "Or maybe Annabelle," he added, "not sure who's first," he confessed "There's Amy", "Then, I think, its Jamie" I was somewhat, I'd say, foxed "Oh wait, its Jamie and then it's Amy," I think he (too) was flummoxed "Then its, maybe, let's see, Dolly", And I silently invoked the Lord He counted back and forth, then satisfied, shot ahead like a concord When he followed this with "Moe", I finally said I had to go Surprised, he asked me "So soon?", I said "To the restroom, y'know" When I got back he was still on track, hadn't noticed I was gone He'd slowed down with each calcultion, said "That's the twentieth one" And as a postscript, smoothly, he informed "And we're pregnant now" I downed my whiskey in enormous awe, and softly muttered "Holy Cow" he added nochalantly that they planned to call him "Knute" Her Highness Queen Bean totally deserved a twenty one gun salute *** Queen of Women, Helen of Troy, Princess Pompshowmona Give a hand, World, to such geniuses like Queen Bean Leona The Queen bean and her likes make sure we are never out of pace With evolution, and as a race, we'll never ever be out of grace And I looked carefully at Cartucho, what do these guys look like After a lifetime in bed with their (among others) miserable wife He walked a bit strange, I thought, wobble-waddle type Had a yellow tie and wore a blue expensive pinstripe Fifty million in his bank, twenty one kids and one wife One new girlfriend evey week, or month - a successful life! The doctor lady next door, I learned, had passed away last year The one kid and her father, had moved to Montpelier -------------------- 7 Aor. 2017 In memory of Harvey Pekar, who wrote it as it is One of America's greatest originals 3:36 PM